assignment memories

now that the assignment for the calculator is over, it's time for me to recall what actually happened, and what i can remember most.

first of all there was this period of looking for assignment groups. i still remember the feeling of being kicked around, and the lecturer wasn't really helping. gave me names, asked me to find those fellas and end up being put on the waiting list. i didn't get a group until i consulted another lecturer, which really advised me well. i still thank him up till today, and though it may sound like i was argueing with him, it meant well for me. he told me this, "ask your lecturer what will happen to your marks for the assignment? it is his responsibility to put you into a group!" to say it was too late to be so aggresive is not really right because i still had two weeks before we need to submit the project. so off i went, being a lil bit aggresive, and letting the lecturer see that i was really serious bout having an assignment group. and only then he assigned me to a group. so now i have a group for the assignment. what next?

i met the group members. a few was friendly, a few wasn't. well, i have to get along right? so i spent 5 hours straight in the group leader's house doing nothing, trying my best to participate. and one thing i remember very well is being told off JOKINGLY that i'm too silent, i have to try to participate more, and he won't know what to tell the lecturer if i don't contribute. i tried but i really have no idea what they are doing, so i kept silent, and i couldn't do anything in the end. for the next few meetings to come, it was the same. although i did some work, but what i was supposed to do wasn't clear to me. nobody ever distributed any work to me, and after i finished the work, i just sat there waiting for some more work which eventually in the end never came... a few things that i remember well was getting screwed right in the face (which was quite tolerable for me), i had to redo my work because it was not the way he wanted it (which was understandable because it was my job to give the best), and getting a comment like this, "i'm not trying to say you never contribure to the group. i really appreciate what you did (my work) but it seems like you have nothing to do. you can't just sit here. i really don't know what work to distribute to you." i really doubt that there was any work distribution in the group. but his words against mine, i have no say. for the next few days i was trying really hard what i should do. i asked him whether is there anything for me to do, and he said he'll call me if there is, and the call didn't come at all. i was worried bout what i am supposed to do...

and today came not a minute too soon. my worries were proved right this morning. we were to present 'our' work (not mine of course, to use 'our' is a little bit too much for me :p ) and i didn't know what to do. so i sat in the lecture room like an idiot, knowing nothing. when asked what i did, i couldn't answer. all i could say was something like this, "i didn't really do any hardware...i just drew some flow charts." it took me great guts to say this out, because i know it would affect me, my marks, my result, and the way the group will look at me. but i have no choice...i would rather stay silent if there is a chance, but the lecturer directed the question straight at me...no chance to escape.

to say i regret being in this group for the assignment is a little bit too much. because it was my wrong at the first place for not being able to look for a group. and to say the group was being unfriendly is totally untrue too. there were a few who really reach out to people, and there was only him being really hard on me. do i regret what i said in the lecture room just now? i don't think so (for now) because it would make things complicated if i were to tell a lie. i may sound stupid for risking my own marks (which i know is already gone now) but at least i won't live a life full of lies. besides, it is really my mistake at the first place...